Word Usage...

Know your audience.

A lady at church has been hassling me about cussing this past week and commented tonight that it was so much better to hear someone with a good vocabulary rather than a good usage of a few four letter words.

I said, "But it's more fun to spice up a conversation by the masterful usage of BOTH!"

Influencing others

Dating scenarios, like all other relationships, are essentially experimentations in classical conditioning. We can break out of our learned responses, but it is a very difficult journey! Being genuine and vulnerable is terrifying and seems to be punished rather than rewarded so the games persist. Everyone involved, keep your chins up! Keep trying to be more genuinely you- whatever your you-ness is! Love with your full capacity for love and forgive as much as you can today and more tomorrow when that capacity has grown. And I hope you are able to see the rich goodness and endless possibilities awaiting you.

Phenomenal Woman

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Fair Warning

But why do we feel that we need to give a warning? Why isn't it okay to be real, to express our genuine self and our genuine emotion? Who benefits from the pretending? Who gains by lies of omission when we say we are "Fine" and who is bettered by silencing the protests of one's own soul? Why is someone's (or multiple someones') opinions more correct or right than our own? Why do we need to change because of what we think another person (or people) will think? Consider that for a moment: we change/stifle/smother/redirect/and rewrite our own emotions, thoughts, inclinations, behaviors, and actions based on what we THINK another person MIGHT THINK. We don't even know how they will react, but we rewrite the script for our own life for an audience that likely does not even exist or that won't even care if they do happen to witness the show. And we twist and bend and torment ourselves in order to fit into our concept of what someone else thinks about us and how they react. It blows my mind. And I fall prey to it every day.

Life Approach

I combine Anne Shirley Blythe with Pollyanna and Scarlet O'Hara. Be cheerful, daydream, put off the worry until tomorrow, and hope that it'll all work out!

A New Year, A New Bucket List Item Attempt

I've wanted to construct, paint, decorate, and arrange furniture in a dollhouse since I was a child. My birthday is about a month away and since people are starting to ask what I want and how I want to celebrate I began thinking. The reality of life is that I have decided I will not get older than 29. I don't know how long for, but I'm capping my age at 29. And I love Disney, fairytales, and anything royalty-related. So I'm thinking a fairytale or storybook birthday theme is going to happen.

And you know what? I want to work on that dollhouse idea I had! This one is called "Storybook Cottage"!!! It comes with nine pieces of furniture. It has two bay windows and cute upper windows. I like the gingerbread trim on it. One room/floor. It seems a bit cramped and limits interior decorating, but it's SO cute! And it is probably manageable for a first time dollhouse constructor. So I think I'm going to try it!

So this year, my only resolution so far, is to work on having hobbies that are enjoyable, creative, and allow me to express myself while decompressing. Thus far I intend to work on a quilt and a dollhouse. We'll see what else comes to be!

New Year, Happy 2014

2013 was rough across the board. It was just brutal. To say that I'm glad it's over is the understatement of a decade- maybe even longer.

I spent New Year's Eve with my mum. I did several loads of laundry and we watched "The Holiday." I left at 11:30 to avoid running into any revelers while driving. My family is very superstitious about driving on Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Year's Eve, or New Years. You know that song, "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer"? Well that kinda' thing happens in my family! There's the grandpa whose appendix ruptured as he drove over a bridge so he ended up driving off of it on New Year's Eve or Day and then there's a grandma that died in a motor or horse accident on Christmas Eve.

After a rough year like 2013, I was willing to embrace some superstition in the hopes of good luck and positive change. I intended to get home with enough time to throw open all of the windows and the door to air out the bad/old and bring in the good/new. Unfortunately, as 2013 would have it, the front door to my building was apparently stuck shut or frozen shut or jammed shut. I'm not sure what it was, but it wouldn't budge using a key and it didn't work using the call box. So I lugged two loads of laundry around the building to the back door while praying. That door worked. So I walked back to the front, up to the third floor (now from the basement instead of from the first floor), and into my apartment at 11:59. I flung open the window (the others were already wide open due to radiator heat that smothers) and left the apartment door open as I texted my mum "Home safe and sound! Happy New Year!!!" and it was delivered at midnight. I received a text, that I presumed was from her, right after I hit send. I closed and locked the door. The text was from a formerly close friend who went MIA. I replied to the other texts I received, put my phone on silent, and slept with no alarm turned on. It was a happy new year indeed!

I spent the evening of January 1st with my mum again. We had stuffed crust pizza and pasta (thanks Pizza Hut!) and Martinelli's Apple Grape Sparkling Cider (that was two days in a row for me!) We watched "Night At The Museum Two: Battle of the Smithsonian" and the first half of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" before I headed home. So far it's been a productive and restful year. I hope that combination continues and includes happiness and prosperity to boot! :)