Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

UT Census Form

Utah Census Form

By Bettyanne Gillette



1. Mena

(Given name)

2. S-A

(SURNAME)

3. Descendant of:

A. Adam and Eve __X__

B. Cain and Abel _____

C. Laman and Lemuel _____

D. Laurel and Hardy _____



4. Tribe: ___Ephraim___



5. Number of occupants residing in home in each category: (Listed in chronological order)

A. Nursery _____

B. Junior Primary _____

C. Senior Primary _____

D. Young Women's _____

E. Young Men's _____

F. Relief Society __4__

G. Elder _____

H. Dearly Departed _____

I. High Priest _____



6. Occupation:

A. Amway dealer _____

B. Shaklee dealer _____

C. Nonie juice dealer _____

D. NuSkin dealer _____

E. Melaleuca dealer _____



7. Automobile:

A. Station Wagon _____

B. Van _____

C. Suburban _____

D. School Bus _____

E. Double Decker _____



8. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday:

A. Chuck-A-Rama __X__

B. Hometown Buffet _____

C. Sumo Sam's All You Can Eat Feeding Trough _____



9. Favorite Hero:

A. Nephi _____

B. Abinadi _____

C. Samuel the Lamanite_____

D. Steve Young _____

E. Johnny Lingo __X__



10. Which of the following do you bring to church:

A. Scriptures __X__

B. Daytimer __X__

C. Pen/Pencil __X__

D. Lifesavers _____

E. Tic Tacs _____

F. Game Boy _____

G. Big Gulp _____

H. Cooler _____

I. Sony Walkman _____

J. TV Watch _____

K. All of the above _____



11. Do you prepare your lessons:

A. A month in advance _____

B. A week in advance __X__

C. While in the bathtub _____

D. While on the toilet _____

E. During Sacrament Meeting _____

F. During the closing prayer of

Sacrament Meeting _____

G. During the opening prayer of

the class you're teaching _____

H. Just wing it _____



12. Do you think pews should be permanently equipped with Big Gulp holders: yes___ no _X_



13. How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting:

A. 10-20 years __X__

B. 20-30 years _____

C. 30-40 years _____

D. Over 3 generations _____



14. How much time does it take for you to fall asleep during a high council talk:

A. 1/100,000,000th of a second __X__

B. 1/999,999,999th of a second _____

C. 1/999,999,998th of a second _____



15. Which day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching:

A. 31st ___X___

B. 31st ______

C. 31st ______

D. 31st ______



16. How many church basketball fights were you in last year:

A. 1-10 __X__

B. 10-20 _____

C. 20-30 _____

D. You'll have to ask my lawyer _____



17. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:

A. Arguing about getting along

B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner

C. Gathering around the television to watch, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"



18. How many times a year do you make:

A. Jell-O salad __0__

B. Funeral potatoes __0__

C. Cabbage and Top Ramen salad __0__

D. Turkey, cashews and grape-stuffed croissants__0__



19. How many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own:

A. 1-2 thousand __0__

B. 2-3 thousand _____

C. 3-4 thousand _____

D. Enough to fill the Great Salt Lake _____



20. Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:

A. Alcatraz

B. Fort Knox

C. Ward Libraries



21. How many structural engineers do you hire annually to insure you'll win the pinewood derby: ____0____



22. Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:

A. Chocolate:__0.5__ pounds daily X 365 days annually = __182.5__

B. Cola: __0.25__ gallons daily X 365 days annually = __91.25__



23. If you had to choose between witnessing the Second Coming or attending a BYU/UofU football game, which would you choose?

A. Second Coming __X__

B. Football game _____